Switchblade Comb

Drunken Post is a feature on Switchblade Comb wherein Rich or The Joe gets wasted and posts nonsensical / non topical videos or musings at very early hours of the morning.

You see that above image? I mean, seriously? What the fuck?

I’m all for brands attempting evolution. However, rarely do they need to do so, and it rarely (if ever) works, because usually they assume that whatever success they had was on the basis of ‘the sign of the times,’ and not that maybe, just maybe they hammered into something that was timeless.

I suppose the newest casualty, after all of those shitty teen horror film remakes (movie reference where one isn’t needed, hey-ooo!), is Monopoly. That circular piece of whatever isn’t the be-all, end-all, but wait. The changes . . .

“. . . slick and round instead of dull and square, with debit cards and an ATM instead of paper money and a banker, clear plastic representations of the classic tokens (bye-bye, little boot!), and clips of popular songs (like Rihanna’s “Umbrella,” Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day,” and Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love”) that play after certain actions.” Also, players now collect $2 million instead of $200 at GO.

Is it just me, or did you only play Monopoly to play those goddamn awesome tiny pewter figurines? And to have all that paper money laying around? It’s just like how I never played Life to learn about Life, I played Life to stick tiny colored pegs into tiny plastic cars. Fun!

How long will this new Monopoly take to be out-of-date with that new soundtrack? Four months? I adore the batshit craziness that is corporate America, but it’s just like the problem Burger King is now facing . . . they put all the money they had into the 18-34 year olds as their new fanbase, but now that exact base is broke, unemployed, and attempting to eat green. Whoops! Now you’re all fucked.

My advice? Keep Monopoly as is, because it’s pretty much the most timeless past-time America’s ever developed outside of Baseball, and just bring back Fireball Island and Shrieks & Creaks. Those nostalgic kiddies will go fucking crazy!